#36 Today’s the Day

August 27, 2015

On this week’s episode of Reply All, PJ and Alex go outside.

 

The Facts

Our theme song, and the incredible interstitial music featured on this week’s episode were recorded by Breakmaster Cylinder.

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Show transcript

PJ VOGT: From Gimlet, this is Reply All, a show about the internet. I’m PJ Vogt.

ALEX GOLDMAN: And I’m Alex Goldman. And this week’s episode, it’s a little difference, we’re going to focus mostly on how computers work. We’re going to start by interviewing on transistors.

[Phone rings]

ALEX: This guy doesn’t seem to be picking up.

PJ: I feel kind of relieved.

ALEX: (laughing)

PJ: I have zero questions about transistors.

ALEX: Could we just roll the credits?

PJ: Reply All is me, PJ Vogt, with Alex Goldman. We were produced this week by Tim Howard, Sruthi Pinnamaneni, and Phia Bennin. We were edited this week by Alex Blumberg. Our show was mixed by The Reverend John DeLore. Matt Lieber is a job that you love so much that you actually sort of forget to go outside. And then one day, you sort of find yourself wondering, “Has the 4th of July happened yet?” And so you look out a window, and you realize actually, it’s the end of August. Summer’s almost over. And you just feel this tiny little teaspoon of regret. And then you realize, you could just go outside. The building has an elevator. What if you took it.

[Elevator sounds]

PJ: It’s nice outside.

ALEX: Yeah. It’s pretty beautiful.

[On the train, background: “This is a Bronx-bound 4 express train. The next stop is…”]

PJ: Where are we right now?

ALEX: We’re at Central Park, bro?

PJ: We’re at Central Park!

ALEX: That guy had a sign advertising carriage rides.

PJ: Well there’s a bunch of horses over here.

ALEX: Oh neighhhh… right guys? We were interested in taking a horse and buggy ride.

CARRIAGE DRIVER: Okay sir.

ALEX: The two of us.

CARRIAGE DRIVER: This goes around by Balter, the boat pond, Bethesda Fountain, Cherry Hill, the lake, Strawberry Fields, all that.

ALEX: Let’s do it.

PJ: Let’s do it.

CARRIAGE DRIVER: Okay guys.

PJ: So where are you from?

CARRIAGE DRIVER: The west of Ireland, guys.

ALEX: How long have you been in the city?

CARRIAGE DRIVER: 18 years here now guys.

ALEX: And how long have you been, how do you say it, piloting?

CARRIAGE DRIVER: Horse and carriage driver.

ALEX: Horse and carriage driver.

CARRIAGE DRIVER: 18 years as well guys.

ALEX: Wow.

CARRIAGE DRIVER: Livin’ the American Dream. Looking at a horse’s backside every day, guys.

ALEX: It’s not super-crowded, it’s kind of serene.

PJ: Yeah, I can’t remember the last time I felt this at peace. Stomach full of hot dog, carriage under my butt. (Alex laughs) Co-host on my side.

ALEX: See, you’re telling me this isn’t romantic at least a little bit?

PJ: I guess it’s just a little romantic … a man just took a picture of you.

ALEX: Really?

PJ: Yeah.

ALEX: This carriage is pretty slow, should I jump off and run after him.

PJ: It’s going to end up on somebody’s vacation slide album where they’re like, and there was this guy with a microphone in a carriage.

ALEX: Yeah, okay. I can handle it.

PJ: Greatest city on Earth.

CARRIAGE DRIVER: Hope you enjoyed the ride.

PJ: Thank you very much.

CARRIAGE DRIVER: Hope you enjoy the rest of your time, guys.

[TRAIN VOICEOVER: This is a Coney Island-bound N train.]

ALEX: Alright, now, now that this family is leaving I can say what I want to say. Every one of them had the exact same mouth. And not just like the kids, and the dad, but like the dad and the mom.

PJ: When you say same mouth, what do you mean?

ALEX: They just had like these tiny, pursed mouths (laughing).

PJ: You’re such a serial killer.

ALEX: What’s the appropriate way to point out that an entire family on a subway train has tiny, pursed mouths.

PJ: I don’t know, it just sounds like your next thought is like, and I’m going to collect all of those, for my collection.

ALEX: Those lips look great on that face. They’d look even better on my mantle!

PJ: Yes. You know, I know exactly what kind of serial killer you’d be, too.

ALEX: What kind?

PJ: Like, snobby.

ALEX: (laughs)

PJ: You’d have like a —

ALEX: I have that murder on vin-yal.

PJ: Yes. Yeah, you’d kidnap people and you make them listen to your records before you killed them. And they’d be like all tied up and terrified for their lives and you’d be like, this early pressing of this …

ALEX: This is the John Peel session of Girls at Our Best!

PJ: Yeah, and you’d like ask them about their taste in music, but then you’d just talk over them.

ALEX: What kind of music do you like, PJ?

PJ: I like the —

ALEX: I just don’t really think, like, it’s really that good.

PJ: I feel like I’m being murdered right now.

TRAIN VOICEOVER: The next and last stop is Coney Island-Stillwell Avenue.

ALEX: How’s it going?

PJ: Can I just get two tickets for the freak show?

MALE VOICE: Sure. It’s $20.

NEW MALE VOICE: Alright guys, please no photo or video of any kind during the show. Audio is fine. Enjoy —

[Music playing]

PJ: What were you saying, when you used to come here when you were a kid?

FEMALE VOICE: When I was a kid, my father used to take me here all the time. Then we were teenagers, we used to cut out of school, jump on the train.Oh yeah, the three-legged man used to be here in the freak show, years ago. His name was Lentini. And he had a leg coming out his back.

PJ: Really?

FEMALE VOICE: Yes, yeah. But you know, nowadays they’re operating to take the leg away, but he was, and he used to kick the football and everything.

PJ: With his back leg?

FEMALE VOICE: Yeah, that back leg, he used to swing it all over the place.

PJ: That’s amazing.

FEMALE VOICE: Yeah.

FEMALE VOICE: Now ladies and gentleman, I only have one more blade to swallow for you. And it is ridiculously long. So Coney Island, do you want to see it? [clapping and cheering]

[“Feeling Good” plays]

ALEX: Dude, I always thought that sword-swallowing was like, an illusion. Just like, bullshit. But this is INSANE.

PJ: Yeah this is really happening. She is actually swallowing an actual sword.

ALEX: You ready to get on the, the Cyclone?

PJ: No, I am not ready. Oh my god, it is actually a big rollercoaster.

ALEX: Yeah, it’s pretty big.

PJ: And, yeah, and it is like not, new wood.

ALEX: So you think what’s going to happen is we’re going to — first of all the metal is going to give way, and then all the wood is going to rot out from under us.

PJ: Mhmm … yeah. Also there’s a sign that says, “Built on June 26th, 1927.” Like don’t brag about that when you’re a rollercoaster.

ALEX: (laughing)

[Sounds of getting strapped in, VOICEOVER: Welcome to the Cyclone Rollercoaster]

PJ: Alright, so we’re going up … and up … and up … and up … and up … and up … and up … ah, crap. And up …

ALEX: This seems very safe.

PJ: No it doesn’t …

ALEX: (laughs)

PJ: And up … oh my god, look how big the water is! The ocean.

ALEX: Ahhhhh. Alright, we’re about to stop going down —

PJ: — Ah shit. AW shit. OH NO. OH NO. OH NO. OH NO. OH NO [sounds of roller coaster going down] FUCKING CHRIST.

ALEX: (laughing)

PJ: OH NO. OH NO. [Rollercoaster noises] OH NOOOO. OH NO. OH NO. OH NO…

[Sounds of waves]

PJ: I feel like such an idiot.

ALEX: Why?

PJ: Because summer happened, and I could’ve been here twice a week.

ALEX: Why didn’t you?

PJ: I just like, didn’t realize I could. It seemed like … harder, than it was. And we’re now, like, standing at the Atlantic Ocean.

ALEX: Yep.

PJ: I’m just going to jump in, okay?

ALEX: Take your jeans off.

PJ: Eh, I’m not going to do that.

ALEX: Dude, that’s crazy.

[sound of waves]

ALEX: So uh, was that a good idea?

PJ: Yes. Emphatically yes. Oh, Andy Mills just sent me a text.

ALEX: What about?

PJ: Uh, we’re supposed to meet him in Gowanus, and we’re going to do something weird that I think you will like.

ALEX: Uh weird, I’m in.

PJ: Cool, let’s get a cab.

ANDY MILLS: Do you want see, let’s look at the boat from here, first. So you can see it in its glory.

ALEX: We are standing above the Gowanus Canal.

PJ: The venereal disease of a body of water.

ALEX: Well, I mean, it’s not just not just colloquially known as a venereal disease of a body of water. It’s actually a superfund site, right?

PJ: And they found gonorrhea in the water.

ALEX: Okay.

ANDY: But do you see my boat?

PJ: Is it the little blue guy?

ANDY: The little blue guy right over there, that’s where we’re going. Fire in the hole [engine starts].

ALEX: Listen to that baby purr!

ANDY: You guys ever been in the Gowanus?

PJ: No!

ALEX: No!

ANDY: I saw a crab holding onto a chicken wing, like a chicken bone in one hand, and I thought that was funny, so I went to take a picture of it, and as I took the picture, a condom just floated right into frame. As I get under the bridge, you’re going ot have to help me by crawling under the front of the boat to weigh it down.

PJ: So we’re trying to go under a bridge at high tide, and if it doesn’t work we’re going to die.

ALEX: Yeah. Lay down.

PJ: I feel like I’m the hood ornament on a Rolls Royce. This is one of the dumber things I’ve ever done.

ALEX: Oh my god–

ANDY: Do you think we’re going to make it?

ALEX: — this is very very very close.

ANDY: This is going to be very close.

ALEX: Put your feet down (laughs)

ANDY: So there’s only, there’s only —

PJ: One inch under a bridge right here.

ALEX: Well, it’s more like six inches, but it’s still. Oh, it’s more like three inches.

ANDY: We made it!

PJ: Andy, how did you get a boat license?

ANDY: I found out that there are different sets of laws, pertaining to people at sea, and — one of them is the Good Samaritan Law, where like, it’s illegal not to help someone out when they’re in distress. If you can, you have to help them out. And I was like, oh that’s interesting. But while I was poking into different maritime laws, I realize that here in New York we still have all these old laws on the books, from back whenever the waterways were essential to New York’s, like, economy. And so one of the laws says that if you’re a resident of the City of New York, the water is yours. If you have a boat that’s registered with the City, there’s nowhere you cannot go. Uh, and so I just got on Craigslist and found boats like this, for like, super cheap.

PJ: So, uh, what was the point where you were trained in driving a boat?

ANDY: Oh, I’ve never been trained in driving a boat.

PJ: (laughing)

ANDY: Get ready for this, though. When we come around this corner, and there she is!

PJ: Oh my god! I’ve never been this close to the Statue of Liberty.

ALEX: Really? You’ve never ridden the Staten Island Ferry?

PJ: No!

ANDY: Staten Island Ferry ain’t got nothin on us. We can get all the way to the base.

PJ: Really?

ANDY: Yeah, you want to?

PJ & ALEX: [in sync] Yeah!

ALEX: Have you never been to the Statue of Liberty?

PJ: No!

ANDY: Today’s the day, PJ!

PJ: (laughing)

ANDY: Yeah the people on the statue cruise, I always look at them like, they must look at this in disgust, with his beer and his open shirt, just pal’ing around with Lady Liberty like it’s no big deal.

PJ: We’re sort of racing a statue cruise ship.

ALEX: Uh …

PJ: Do you think we’re going to beat them?

ALEX: Beat them to what?

PJ: Freedom.

ALEX: (laughs)

ANDY: There she is.

PJ: That’s amazing.

ALEX: It’s made of copper. [pause] PJ, you’ve never been to Governor’s Island?

PJ: No.

ALEX: What have you done for the past 7 years?

PJ: Made a podcast.

ALEX: That’s been less than a year, so, tell me again.

PJ: Thought about making a podcast. Oh my god, you know the thing they say about when you’re on the ocean, sometimes your stomach doesn’t feel so good?

ALEX: Are you — are you getting seasick?

PJ: Only mildly.

ANDY: Well we’ll get out of these choppy waters in like, five minutes.

PJ: Oh my god, look at the fucking bridge.

ALEX: We are under the Brooklyn Bridge right now.

ANDY: Doesn’t it look so different from down here?

PJ: Yeah. It looks, um, more beautiful and less trustworthy.

ANDY: Yeah, it definitely doesn’t look as strong, huh? And they say when this bridge, the Brooklyn Bridge, when it was made, it was the tallest manmade structure on Earth. And everyone was so used to travelling by boat that they didn’t trust it. And so, in the opening months of the Brooklyn Bridge — this is like, legend, I don’t know, you can probably Google it and find out if I’m bullshit or not. But the story as told me as, from old men, is that when they opened up the bridge to show that it was strong, they had PT Barnum and his, all of his elephants, in total fanfare, just cross the bridge — showing like it’s so strong, elephants can cross it.

PJ: (laughing)

ALEX: So it’s 6 o’clock.

PJ: You can’t drop us off in Midtown, can you Andy?

ANDY: I can drop you off close-ish to Midtown.

PJ: REALLY?!

ALEX: (laughing) Ye-ah.

ANDY: I mean not uh, not legally, but … you have to climb a little.

ALEX: I can do that.

ANDY: This is gonna — this looks promising, but super illegal.

ALEX: Yes, this is a dock for very, very fancy boats.

PJ: One of them is named Jewel.

ALEX: Go go go go go. Jump, jump, jump.

ANDY: Good luck guys! I’m going to get out of the way now.

PJ: Alright, see ya!

Male Voice: You can’t dock here.

PJ: We can’t dock here.

MALE VOICE AT DOCK: Nah, you can’t, you can’t get off the boat here.

ALEX: Well what are we going to do? He’s leaving.

MALE VOICE AT DOCK: I can’t help you.

ALEX: So we’re just stuck on this dock?

MALE VOICE AT DOCK: There’s a fee — there’s a fifty dollar fee to [indistinct]

ALEX: Okay, you want fifty bucks?

MALE VOICE AT DOCK: Yeah.

ALEX: Okay, here you go.

PJ: Alex. You just bribed like a harbormaster.

ALEX: (laughs until he coughs) Taxi! How you doin? We’re going to 32nd, between 5th and 6th.

PJ: Oh.

ALEX: PJ’s a wittle seasick.

PJ: Yeah, I’m unwell.

ALEX: Well look at it this way, you won’t have to eat dinner.

PJ: What consolation is that?

ALEX: I don’t know, dinner’s expensive.

PJ: Your human programming could be upgraded.

ALEX: That’s fair.

PJ: There’s Blumberg.

ALEX: Where?

PJ: Right here.

ALEX GOLDMAN: Hey Alex Blumberg … how’s it going?

ALEX BLUMBERG: Hey how’s it going?

ALEX GOLDMAN: How does Naz feel about you going “hey, I have to go do karaoke!”

ALEX BLUMBERG: Oh, she was totally psyched. Yeah, no, it’s gonna be fun.

[Alex Goldman doing a Karaoke version of “Your Cheatin’ Heart]

ALEX BLUMBERG: Wow.

PJ: Why is there a band called Jefferson Airplane and a band called Jefferson Starship?

ALEX GOLDMAN: Jefferson Airplane became Jefferson Starship.

PJ: Oh they left Earth.

ALEX GOLDMAN: Left the Earth’s atmosphere.

PJ: Was that a drug thing?

ALEX GOLDMAN: Jefferson Starship (laughing) was when they added synthesizers, basically.

[Alex Goldman, PJ, and Alex Blumberg doing karaoke]

PJ: Okay, so let me just explain to you, because I feel like you actually do not know what we’re doing right now.

ALEX GOLDMAN: Yeah.

PJ: So, I have a friend, who has a friend, who has a friend, who, for fun, he has an Instagram account, and he will like break into places. Or like, sneak into places, that are like beautiful and forbidden in New York. And he’ll post the pictures of it.

ALEX: Okay.

PJ: So, my friend who called their friend whole called their friend, and he said he would take us to one of these places.

ALEX: Uh, is this illegal?

PJ: Yes.

ALEX: Like, how illegal?

PJ: Like, if we get caught, we’ll get arrested but I don’t think it’ll mess up our lives.

ALEX: Uh …

PJ: Like you would not see your baby tonight, but you’d see your baby tomorrow.

ALEX: Pfwwww, pfw, pfw, okay.

PJ: Okay.

ALEX: Where are we meeting this guy?

PJ: Um, in the subway.

PJ: Okay, this sucks, the guy’s like half an hour late, I don’t actually think he’s going to show up.

ALEX: Okay, so.

PJ: So the deal is, he was going to take us to, it’s like, it’s like an enormous building, in like, industrial Brooklyn. It’s been shut for like 50 years. And apparently like, if you can sneak into it, there’s a roof, and the roof is really beautiful. So we could either bag it, or if you want to just go the two of us and try to get in, we could try to get in.

ALEX: Why not? Let’s do it.

[Walking, crickets chirping]

PJ: Okay, if you look right now, there’s an alleyway, there’s a sign that says, “Warning Private Property.”

ALEX: The fence is closed on that alley.

PJ: The fence is closed. We could climb the fence. I just, I don’t know if there’s a guy in that guard booth that’s right there. Oh my god! That’s the building.

ALEX: Yeah, that is the building.

PJ: That is so spooky.

ALEX: Um —

PJ: It’s like 20-stories tall, and it’s like, brick, that’s like, that’s very white with age. It looks like a fucking ghost ship.

ALEX: So are we doing this?

PJ: (sighs, then a long pause) Yeah. Let’s do it, right?

ALEX: (pauses) Sure.

PJ: You want me to go first?

ALEX: Yeah. I’ll hold your gear. Good luck.

PJ: Thanks. (pause) Okay, one last thought, if this goes bad, this tape is either going to be very sad, or we’re going to be in the future, listening to us in the past, being like you are fucking dumb.

ALEX: How about this? Hop over the fence, I’ll hand you your kit —

PJ: — Okay —

ALEX: — And go look around.

[Fence climbing noises]

PJ: I’m real shitty at climbing fences.

ALEX: Yeah, you’re really bad at it. Get on that boulder–

PJ: [falling] Whoa, whoa, whoa — oh, fuck. Well the butt of my pants is now very open (breathing heavily). I feel very exposed.

ALEX: Very nice. Here. Here take your kit.

PJ: This is really beautiful (breathing heavily), there’s like a big purple sky. And just this building.

Oh, Alex is climbing the fence. He’s actually good at this. That was awesome.

ALEX: (whispering) I used to break into stuff a lot.

PJ: Do you feel the spooky feeling? (whispers) Alex, do you feel the spooky feeling?

ALEX: (whispering) Yes, stay in the shadows. On the count of three, run across.

PJ: (whispering) Okay, one, two three.

ALEX: One, two, three.

PJ: Alright, be careful.

ALEX: We’re okay. Does your, does your website tell you how to get in the building?

PJ: (whispering) Let me check. I think they went around the side with the water.

ALEX: The side where, by the water?

PJ: Yeah. Okay. I’m not gonna fall in the fucking Gowanus.

ALEX: Okay, hey — what was that?

PJ: It was not me —

ALEX: — Okay —

PJ: — It was not you.

ALEX: I think it’s fine. This doesn’t get us in.

PJ: What does it do?

ALEX: [fence crashing] That was me. [long pause] Oh my god there’s a goat!

PJ: Oh my god there’s a goat. What the fuck? Why is there a goat there?

ALEX: (laughing)

PJ: It is not afraid of us.

ALEX: Yeah.

PJ: Don’t go by it. Don’t go so close to it.

ALEX: What?

PJ: Don’t go so close to it.

ALEX: The goat went over that way (laughing).

PJ: I’ve never been as afraid of anything as I was with that goat. It was just like, a creature that wasn’t a human — did you not feel scared?

ALEX: I jumped and ran!

PJ: Okay. Here’s a question that I would want to know the answer to.

ALEX: Sure. What?

PJ: How did that goat get here?

ALEX: (laughing) I don’t know man.

PJ: Have you ever seen, a wild goat, in New York City?

ALEX: In Brooklyn? Naw.

PJ: Um. Can I tell you, something?

ALEX: What’s that?

PJ: I can kind of see how, there was a time in your life that you were brave and cool. I can like see why you see yourself as a cool person.

ALEX: Uh huh, okay.

PJ: Like when I was a kid I would not have come here. And right, like one of the thoughts I had, there was so much graffiti in there, I was like, this is a place for bad kids.

ALEX: (laughing)

PJ: Which is not a thought I’ve had in a very long time.

ALEX: I still want to believe there’s some way in.

PJ: There’s what?

ALEX: I said, I still want to believe there’s some way in.

PJ: Oh! I think this is actually where you’re supposed to sneak in. By way of water.

ALEX: Okay.

PJ: Alex is sliding down — hey, hey, you good?

ALEX: I’m good. I’m good.

PJ: Alex is sliding down a pile of boulders, above.

ALEX: I’m good.

PJ: A canal.

ALEX: Hold my kit.

PJ: Are you doing it?

ALEX: I’m gonna see.

PJ: Alright, be careful.

ALEX: I will.

PJ: And he’s trying to just ease into … he’s trying … oh, oh, oh … you good? What if the goat comes back?

ALEX: I’m over here, man.

PJ: What?

ALEX: I’m on the other side.

PJ: What?

ALEX: I crossed over to this side.

PJ: This does feel a little bit like a nightmare. [gravelly noises] Like holding onto something broken to not fall into something dark.

ALEX: Just gotta take a running jump onto the, onto the flat part near the building. It looks far. It’s not that far.

PJ: “Oh did you hear that? That podcast Reply All.I really like it.” “Yeah it was really good. Yeah, then the hosts went in a warehouse in the Gowanus and they died. Oh that’s why –”

ALEX: I’m watching PJ talk to himself as he tries to figure out how to get across this thing.

PJ: — fucking STUPID. Well, they wanted to take a day off. (laughs) They wanted to take a day —

ALEX: That doesn’t too look too sturdy.

PJ: That’s not sturdy. That’s just a boulder on rebar.

ALEX: Should we do it at three? One … two … three?

PJ: Uh, one …

ALEX: He’s praying right now.

TWO: [long pause] Two … One …

ALEX: (laughing)

PJ: One …

ALEX: You could also go down, stomach-first?

PJ: Ah!

ALEX: Haven’t you ever played Tomb Raider, man?

PJ: Yeah, I died a lot. Didn’t you die a lot in Tomb Raider? Or did you just have one game that was really fun?

ALEX: (laughing)

PJ: Ooo.

ALEX: What just happened?

PJ: The rock I was standing on went away, but I was holding onto this. Just be close where I can grab your han.

ALEX: Okay. And you just do this thing.

PJ: Ohhh.

ALEX: Yep, and just push up again, and then you’re up.

PJ: Ohhh.

ALEX: And then you’re up, and then you’re up. PJ! PJ.

PJ: Oh my god, we’re in it.

ALEX: We’re in it. We did it! I’m so proud of you.

PJ: Are you really?

ALEX: Yeah.

PJ: Me too!

ALEX: Now we just have to figure out how to get to the top.

PJ: We’re walking down a FUCKING serial killer hallway.

ALEX: We’re walking down what looks like an endless hallway.

PJ: “Hey Reply All podcast is really good. I liked it. It was a good podcast, it was like –”

ALEX: Sh!

PJ: (whispers) — Not so much about the internet, it was about dying with your friend.”

ALEX: I think if anything we don’t want the light on, because it will definitely draw attention to the fact that there are people in this building.

PJ: (whispering) Okay hold on. So what are you doing?

ALEX: There’s all these crazy old grain shoots.

PJ: Crazy all whatnow?

ALEX: Grain shoots.

PJ: Perenshins?

ALEX: Grain shoots.

PJ: Oh grain shoots, oh my god.

ALEX: Yeah, look up.

PJ: You look up and they look like. [hollow noise] You okay, you okay. I think we want a little light.

ALEX: Yes, I just walked into something. It’s like a giant, ancient wheelbarrow.

PJ: We can’t get through here with that light.

ALEX: Yes. I agree with you. I agree with you now.

PJ: Oh, cool, just a death pit. There’s just a hole.

ALEX: (sighs) Is there any way across that?

PJ: Yeah.

ALEX: Is that ground underneath us, or is that a deep hole?

PJ: This is ground. There’s a deep hole over there. What about this?

ALEX: These are indeed steps. To something!

[heavy breathing]

ALEX: Well.

PJ: We’re as tall as the top of the battleship. What’s, what’s up there?

ALEX: Pretty good of the battleship.

PJ: Oh the building, the roof’s covered with grass. Can you see that?

ALEX: This is crazy.

PJ: So we’re standing at the … we’re standing in a brick window of an abandoned factory, and we’re as tall as a battleship.

ALEX: We’re looking at the Verrazano Bridge.

PJ: And the moon (breathes heavily)

ALEX: A very bright moon. And there are plants growing out of the side of the building that I’m touching right now. I think I might’ve stepped on a rusty nail.

PJ: Are you okay?

ALEX: I am. Probably going to have to get a tetanus shot.

PJ: Was it worth it?

ALEX: Uh, I don’t know …

PJ: Good day off.

ALEX: Yeah, it was a good day off.

[Music plays]

PJ: So this, is this our final stop?

ALEX: Yeah, this is it.

[Knocks on a door, screen door opens]

ALEX: Matt Lieber!

MATT LIEBER: Hey guys.

(laughter)

MATT: Um. Are you coming in?

PJ: Yeah let’s go in!

ALEX: We’d love to.

PJ: After a very long day off, you show up at Matt Lieber’s house. And it turns out that Matt Lieber is surprisingly completely unfazed to find two knuckleheads knocking at his door, clutching a sheet of paper.

It’s late at night, and Matt Lieber is someone who looks like he was probably asleep. He’s wearing a nightshirt, and his underwear. But he’s as friendly as if he’d invited you.

MATT: You got sunburned.

ALEX: I got very sunburned.

PJ: And when you shove the piece of paper into his hand, and ask him to read it, he obliges. He’s Matt Lieber.

PJ: There you go.

ALEX: Are you ready?

MATT: Yeah.

ALEX: Alright.

MATT: Reply All is Alex Goldman and PJ Vogt. We were produced this week by Tim Howard, Sruthi Pinnamaneni, Phia Bennin. Production assistance from Sylvie Douglas. Matt Lieber is reading the credits, that’s me. Our show was mixed by The Reverend John DeLore. It’s his last week here, and he will be missed. That’s true, he will be missed. Bye, John.

Special thanks this week to Breakmaster Cylinder, who custom-made the gorgeous music on this episode. Our ad music is by Build Buildings. You can find more episodes at itunes.com/replyall. Our website is replyall.rodeo. Thanks, Hover, for the dot rodeo. Thanks for listening. We’ll see you next week.

What did you do tonight?

PJ: We went to Coney Island. We rowed a boat.

ALEX: We rode a carriage.

PJ: We broke into a warehouse.

ALEX: We did karaoke with Alex Blumberg.

[Music plays out]

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