June 13, 2016

#18 'Tickle Me'

by Sampler

We asked listeners to recommend funny podcast moments, and boy, did they come through! Our senior producer Sarah plays some of the best suggestions for Brittany.


**Warning, this episode contains adult language.**


The Facts:

This episode was produced by Rose Reid, Sarah Abdurrahman, and Brittany Luse with help from Kate Parkinson-Morgan.

It was edited by Annie-Rose Strasser.

Our theme music was made by Micah Vellian and our ad music was made by Mark Phillips.

Additional music in the show was by Bobby Lord.

The show was mixed by Matthew Boll.

Sampler is a production of Gimlet Media.

Where to Listen

Transcript

SARAH ABDURRAHMAN: Hi and I’m Brittany Luse and welcome to Sampler. Just kidding I'm not Brittany Luse. I’m Sarah Abdurrahman…


BRITTANY LUSE: Yes my producer whose name I often mispronounce as Sarah Abdurrahman.


SARAH: Um, not mispronounce but like pronounce to the best of your abilities. It's a different language. Your tongue is not accustomed


BRITTANY: It’s a sad American approximation. Exactly exactly.


SARAH: So I’m sitting in host chair today because we are having a very special listener submitted episode of Sampler. And in order to maintain that element of surprise for the clips that I'm going to be playing for Brittany today, I had to bring them to her.


BRITTANY: Yes.


SARAH: So this is the first time you are going to be hearing the clips that our listeners submitted of their favorite comedy moments in podcasts.


BRITTANY: I’m so ready.


SARAH: So as you probably guessed, if you’ve ever listened to Sampler before, there might be some explicit language and themes in this episode so proceed with caution and maybe pop in some ear buds if there are kids around.


BRITTANY: Sounds good.


SARAH: Let’s get started.


BRITTANY: Let’s get started!


SARAH: We had a comedy moments show a few months ago with PJ and Alex The hosts of fellow Gimlet show Reply All.


BRITTANY: Yes


SARAH: So - Brittany - what do you remember from the last time we sampled comedy?


BRITTANY: Alex and PJ played me a bunch of stuff, and the thing that I liked the most was the prank calls, which was like so inane and so dumb and it was like, still -


SARAH: From the Bone Zone?


BRITTANY: From the Bone Zone! Still if I listen to that clip now, I will pee on myself. Like laughing. 


———BONE ZONE CLIP———


SARAH: And we put a call out to our listeners to see if they could also get you to laugh.


BRITTANY: I’m really excited to see what all these listeners have come up with.


SARAH: They got some good stuff, and it’s a variety, so. I hope you will enjoy this variety show of Sampler. So. Let’s get into the first clip. But first let me ask, did you ever do any sort of debate in school?


BRITTANY: I have had to participate in debates before.


SARAH: Were you in a debate club?


BRITTANY: No, I wasn’t in debate club. I think I had to do either - like, I definitely think I had to do it in like history or social studies class?


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: Oh, I remember one was like should women be able to serve in the military, or like the front lines of the military? And, I think that I came out in a draw by taking the position that no one should serve in the military. When I was a senior in high school, I was like, women shouldn’t be serving on the front lines of military because no one should. But, I didn’t lose.


SARAH: Do you enjoy debating?


BRITTANY: I like, literally couldn’t stop if i wanted to


SARAH: But like debating with debate rules


BRITTANY: Debating with debate rules? Thats hard. That’s very hard. I just prefer to shoot from the hip and say something mean.


SARAH: So you like to argue with people.


BRITTANY: I love to argue with people.


SARAH: But that’s not professional debating.


BRITTANY: No, I am not a professional debater, no no no no, no no no no.


SARAH: Have you ever heard a debate in podcast form?


BRITTANY: No, I’ve never heard a debate in podcast form.


SARAH: This came from a, a listener of ours, David Hart, and let me let him introduce the show.


DAVID HART: One comedy podcast I’m completely obsessed with is the Great Debates, where 2 comedy writers debate topics using high school debate rules. Recent topics have included, “The Gin Blossoms are in the top one percent of artists of all time,” and “There are fewer than 45 old w- movies worth watching.” Each episode includes a micro-debate and a main event with their friend Medina serving as an impartial or somewhat impartial moderator. The guys get so passionate about the topics that it’s hard not to find yourself yelling at your phone for them to bring up a certain argument or to counter a certain argument.


BRITTANY: I’d be really curious to hear the episode where somebody had to argue that the Gin Blossoms were in the top one percent of all artists of all time.


SARAH: Why?


BRITTANY: Cause “Hey Jealousy” is like the only song of theirs that I know, and it’s not that good. Like - what the hell. Oh my god, like what kind of sorry person - the only way that it - that, that actually like - I really like the idea for the show, the only way it can be better is if they also had to drink.


SARAH: Mm.


BRITTANY: That would be, that would be a really good way to up the ante, but, I am definitely interested to hear whatever clip it is that David sent.


SARAH: Well. The clip that he sent is none of the ones that he brought up in his description.


BRITTANY: I love it! He didn’t-


SARAH: It’s a whole other one.


BRITTANY: I love it. Surprise.


SARAH: Ok so first I’ll let you hear the debate topic. Sound good?


BRITTANY: I’m ready!


SARAH: Let’s do a micro debate, I’ve got a topic for you - the topic is… Barack Obama makes a better omelet than Michelle Obama. So before we get to the actual debate, Brittany which side are you on?


BRITTANY: I am gonna go with Barack.


SARAH: You wanna give me a reason.


BRITTANY: Okay so this is like a terrible reason. Barack and my Dad don’t look completely dissimilar, there’s like - they have a lot of physical traits in common, and growing up my dad always made breakfast on the weekends-


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: So I have like a strong association of my dad making eggs which he’s really great at-


SARAH: Uh huh.


BRITTANY: So, this is like very like - I feel like SAT analogies -


SARAH: Does he better make better omelettes than your mom?


BRITTANY: That’s the thing, so this is the thing - oh my god, am I - I’m gonna get in trouble for this.But the few times that my dad did make breakfast and my mom did, I was like “whoa, this is so good.” Cause overall my mom’s really, like she’s just really good at cooking and my dad is not so great at it-


SARAH: Like your dad’s good at breakfast,


BRITTANY: Right, right.


SARAH: Your mom’s good at everything.


BRITTANY: My mom’s good at everything. So - I like - when my mom would make breakfast, it was like super extra delicious.


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: But yes, I’m still gonna - like, my father honestly makes the best scrambled eggs, and I feel like in my gut - first hot take - it’s gonna be Barack.


SARAH: All right. Let’s hear it.


———CLIP: The Great Debates———


MEDINA: Hely, let’s have you take the pro, as per usual, 3 minutes on the clock.


HELY: Okay, I’m Steve Hely, I’m taking the pro- now, a lot - of course we all know that Barack Obama is the president and so we think of him as like the alpha kind of guy in their relationship, but the career of Michelle Obama is extraordinary. This is a tough, hard charging woman, and I think she doesn’t waste a lot of time making omelettes, that’s not her scene. She was rising from Princeton. she went to law school, she was an attorney, she’s a very powerful, intense woman, I don’t think she got there by diddling around with omelettes. Now you see Obama and he does have the kind of fun, loosey goosey kind of friendly dad attitude, so I think on a Saturday morning he’s the guy waking up early, making the omelettes for Sasha and Malia, he has some fun with it,


KING: You’re so wrong. Sometimes for better or worse, gender roles that we would prefer to no longer be societal norms are still the norms in a household, especially where people are of a certain generation, and I would say that this generation, the Robinson-Obama family dates back to a time when women cook more often.


HELY: crazy. The whole thing -


KING: This isn’t crazy at all.


HELY:- about M - Michelle Obama has been breaking norms her whole life. That’s her whole deal.


KING: It’s true - but that doesn’t mean that -


HELY: If anything, she doesn’t make omelets just so, she doesn’t live up to traditional gender norms… just to make a point.


KING: No, I think that’s absurd, because -


HELY: More so, if we’re talking about traditional gender roles, like and -


KING: I feel -


HELY: We’re really getting real?


KING: you’re not even letting me talk.


HELY: Chefs- the greatest French chefs are all men. That’s who’s -


KING: No, you -


HELY: Excellent at making omelets.


KING: You’re spinning. And that’s true, but an omelet is a staple food that you make for yourself or your children.


HELY: Making -


KING: And again.


HELY: a good omelet is the - one of the hardest things a chef can do!


KING: sometimes the obvious things are the things we need address. Barack Obama has been busier than Michelle Obama for the last years. And therefore Michelle has had more time to practice her omelet making skills, she probably had better skills to begin with dating back to before Barack started seeking office - this is a classic “don’t overthink it. We have no possible way of fucking knowing, but chances are, Michelle Obama makes a better omelet-


HELY: I think -


KING: than Barack Obama.


HELY: When we see the public expressions of their marriage, is what is very clear is that Barack AND Michelle, neither one of them tolerates - no matter how successful Barack is or how busy he is - they don’t tolerate falling into these traditional norms.


[timer goes off]


HELY: I think he makes a point -


KING: Yeahhh!! The timer went off. Medina, what did you think?


MEDINA: Uhhh…you know, I liked where you were going at the outset there. 


KING: Who?


MEDINA: Steve.


KING: Ugh. But!


MEDINA: But then it just got into a big morass.


HELY: Wow.


KING: It did?!


MEDINA: I don’t know, I don’t know.


HELY: No winner man, perhaps no winner.


KING: What do - well what do you think, who makes the better omelet, Michelle or Barack.


MEDINA: I like the idea that Barack makes the better -


KING: Of course that’s the sexier argument, but that doesn’t mean that it’s the right one!


HELY: I think that is true, I - you just can’t -


MEDINA: But I also like - Dave, I like that you took a stand on traditional gender roles as being like, sort of like a thing.


KING: Yeah, they were born in the 60’s, like they’re more likely to adhere to those norms than we are. Than a married couple tod- who gets married in their 20’s in this decade.


MEDINA: But the image of Barack being the kind of like loosey goosey Saturday morning guy, great.


HELY: I mean, I think the whole point of Michelle Obama’s career has been like, I’m not gonna be the one making the omelets, okay? I’m - I’m gonna break down all those barriers.


MEDINA: I wonder if that’s true…


KING: - maybe in her career but is that true at home. How about -


HELY: Didn’t she sponsor the - the garden in the White House? The vegetable garden?


MEDINA: That’s right - that’s right Hely.


KING: She’s - that’s what I should have mentioned, she’s all about nutrition.


MEDINA: Yeah.


KING: She - she has welcomed the kitchen as her sphere of - as her domain if you will.


HELY: How about Bill and Hillary, who is better at omelet making?


KING: I don’t think either of them have any idea what the first thing you do is when you make an omelet.


MEDINA: No, no I think Bill can make a mean omelet, I’m sure.


KING: Oh, I like - well,


MEDINA: I had -


KING: Now he’s a -


MEDINA: How many times do -


KING: -vegan right?


MEDINA: - you think Bill’s gotten laid because of his omelet making skills?


KING: He’s never made an omelet.


MEDINA: He doesn’t need -


HELY: - of course he has!


KING: - are you kidding me?


MEDINA: He doesn’t need to make an omelet to get laid.


HELY: Do you know what - you know what he do - here’s Bill’s game the next morning, he’s like come on downstairs, let me make you an omelet and he brings the woman downstairs and then he’s - and then before you know it, she’s making the omelet.


MEDINA: Yes. Okay, that’s great.


HELY: He’s never finished -


MEDINA: That’s fantastic.


HELY: - making the omelet.


MEDINA: He’s never finished making an omelet.


-------------------


BRITTANY: I really like that.


SARAH: Yeah?


BRITTANY: Yes!


SARAH: What’d you like about that?


BRITTANY: Um, because I could see it when they talked about like Barack Obama being the kind of loosey goosey dad, like make like omelettes, like get up early and do that, and gives them to Sasha and Malia, I’m like yes, I see it!


SARAH: That’s almost what your argument was!


BRITTANY: Yes!


SARAH: You were like “my dad is him!”


BRITTANY: Exactly! I’m still gonna stick with my Barack answer, I still do think it’s Barack -


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: - who makes the better omelette, but I could see you know, as mom-in-chief which is what Michelle refers to herself as a lot, and also with like her White House garden, and her emphasis on like healthy eating and stuff like that, I could see how she may have surpassed him in the-


SARAH: Mm.


BRITTANY: - omelet making department. So that was a really tough argument, he totally missed his chance though.


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: By not mentioning Michelle Obama’s obsession and support of nutrition.


SARAH: Yeah. They didn’t get to that until after the debate.


BRITTANY: So first of all I know a lot about the Obamas. That’s been the number one thing. in knowing a lot about them, I know that like, Barack is a little bit more prone to like being laid back and improvisational, and that Michelle is a little bit more like you know, she likes to try before she buys, right?


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: She doesn’t like to just jump into things. And I think that like there is a little bit of a - like, like cooking - especially eggs I think a lot of people don’t realize, eggs are supposed to be cooked for a long time on a low temperature.


SARAH: Mm.


BRITTANY: And that requires like - you know, a skilled hand, do you know what I’m saying. A little bit of like intuition which it sounds like Barack may be more inclined to lean on. I’ve thought about this like way more intensely -


SARAH: Yeah.


BRITTANY: - than I’d ever thought that I would. But I really believe this now. So, thumbs up?


BRITTANY: Thumbs up.


SARAH: What’s next.


BRITTANY: I’m dying to know!


SARAH: This next one is gonna be different, but I think it was partially inspired by the last Sampler comedy episode.


BRITTANY: I’m sitting here like, what could it be, what could it be?


SARAH: ‘cause it combines, you know a few of the things that you liked about that episode -


BRITTANY: Mm hm.


SARAH: The idea of a phone call,


BRITTANY: Love it.


SARAH: - the idea of a sound board.


BRITTANY: LOVE. THAT.


SARAH: So let me allow our listener Ross Llewallyn.


BRITTANY: Mm hm.


SARAH: - to introduce the show.


ROSS: I really enjoy a - a podcast called Cool Games Inc, which is hosted by two guys, Griffin and Nick, who work at the video game website Polygon.


SARAH: OK so let me try to explain the podcast because it is kind of unique. each week the hosts--Griffin and Nick--imagine what a video game would look like based on suggestions from listeners. So like in the first episode of the podcast, one of their listeners suggested they make a video game where the character that you’re playing works in a fast food restaurant and the objective is that “you are proving to seniors that this is what they actually ordered.” So they like figure out what this game would look like, what the obstacles are, what the game play would be, etcetera, etcetera. So in the episode before the one we are about to hear, a listener suggested they design a game based on the movie Austin Powers.


BRITTANY: [laughing]


BRITTANY: Why?


SARAH: Why not?


So another thing they do at the beginning of each episode is they review the game they created in the previous episode.


So what we’re about to hear is hosts trying to evaluate the Austin Powers game, and then they bring in a very special guest…


————CLIP: CoolGames Inc————


GRIFFEN: Kay let me - let me get in the way of what you’re doing right now and say that I think that it would be irresponsible to report on the fungible success or failure of Austin Powers...


NICK: Uh huh


GRIFFEN: Because I actually was not able to get Mike Myers on the horn to get him involved on the project -


NICK: Okay.


GRIFFEN: Until just this very moment, I’ve actually got him -


NICK: Oh cool!


GRIFFEN: Got him on -  I’ve actually got him on the Skype call right now, so. Let me -


NICK: boop boop boop boop boop boop!


GRIFFEN: Hey, hey Mike you there?


SOUNDBOARD: Hello.


NICK: You - you sound a little quiet Mike, can you speak up?


SOUNDBOARD: Allow myself to introduce myself.


GRIFFEN: Well you - well you know who you -


SOUNDBOARD: My name is Austin Powers.


GRIFFEN: Oh you’re doing it in character.


NICK: Mmkay, well that’s fine.


GRIFFEN: You’re gonna do the whole bit in ch-


SOUNDBOARD: My name is Richie Cunningham.


GRIFFEN: Okay. You’re doing a whole like sort of slate of impressions here… Um, Mike I was wondering if you got our sort of our game design document that we sent your way -


SOUNDBOARD: Yeah!!


GRIFFEN: Wow. An enthusiastic -


NICK: An enthusiastic -


GRIFFEN: Yeah. Very excited about this -


SOUNDBOARD: Yes.


GRIFFEN: Yeah, very excited about this -


SOUNDBOARD: Yes.


GRIFFEN: Very excited about this project.


SOUNDBOARD: Yes.


NICK: So Mike, are you, like, I - I don’t want to - I don’t want to beat around the bush here. Are you willing to lend your, your likeness, your vocal talents, all of that to the Austin Powers MOORPG?


SOUNDBOARD: Come again?


NICK: The - so we’re - it’s a - since we’re massively multiplayer online roleplaying game, and we’re gonna build - we’re basically - let me put it in terms that I think little Mike Myers can understand. We - we’re gonna make a, a computer game for ya.


SOUNDBOARD: Who are you?!


NICK: Oh sorry, I didn’t introduce myself- I’m Nick Robinson, I’m a - the senior financial officer for Cool Games Incorporated, we’re kind of a video game publ-


SOUNDBOARD: Who sent you?!


NICK: Sorry?


SOUNDBOARD: Who sent you?!


NICK: Well we, we spoke to your management and they kind of put us in contact with you, so it was a - I feel - it’s, I’m sorry - I feel like the, the, you’re doing the funny - like the Austin Powers bit -


SOUNDBOARD: My name is- my name is Austin Powers.


NICK: Mike, I, I do appreciate that you - cause you are very enthusiastic about the project clearly and it’s -


SOUNDBOARD: Yes.


NICK: Yes.


SOUNDBOARD: Yes


NICK: Yes. And it’s exciting. But if you could actually - cause we love that you can still roll right into that character and just seamlessly slip into it, it’s gonna be great later on down the road, but while we’re still in the sort of the negation phase, if you wouldn’t mind just being Mike. SOUNDBOARD: Ho, ho, ho, ho! [Say you can’t come?] Okay?


NICK: All right, well you know what Mike, we, we actually do have your agent’s  number, so we’ll actually just get in touch with him, and I think-


SOUNDBOARD: No, no, no, no, no -


NICK: We’ll work out the rest of this -


SOUNDBOARD: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.


NICK: How - how many of you are there, by the way I’m wondering?


SOUNDBOARD: Two. My name, my name is Aus - Austin Powers.


SOUNDBOARD: Are you, are you okay?


NICK: Yeah, I’m good.


SOUNDBOARD: Okay?


NICK: Thanks b- Austins for both of your time. This has been very produc -


SOUNDBOARD: Yes, please.


NICK: Productive -


SOUNDBOARD: Do I make you horny, baby? Do I make you horny, baby? Randy?].


NICK: Little inappropriate for a business meeting.


SOUNDBOARD: Yeah! Dammit, CRIKEY! I didn’t like the idea of not getting a job


[nonstop echoing]


NICK: Okay, I’m gonna - I’m gonna hang up now. Mike, it’s been a - Mike, it’s been a pleasure - Mike, it’s been a pleasure talking with you. Thank you so much. I’ll ta - we’ll get in - we’ll be in touch. Thanks! Thanks Mike! Thanks Mike!


SOUNDBOARD: - my bits and pieces are still working!


GRIFFEN: It looks like the Skype call got disconnected.


NICK: Yeah, his - it sounded like he was on a pretty low, like - sub 3G connection.


SOUNDBOARD: You, behave.


NICK: So - I’m so embarrassed. I’m sorry Mike, I thought you were gone.


--------------------


BRITTANY: Who? Who had a - who has an Austin Powers soundboard in 2016? Like that movie came out when I was in like middle school! Where did they find this?


SARAH: Who knows? The internet?


BRITTANY: Oh my god. I knew I was in for a treat-


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: When he was like - he wasn’t able to get Mike Myers on the phone until RIGHT NOW. He’s on Skype! I was like oh my god, this is gonna be a hotass mess. That was great.


SARAH: Yeah.


BRITTANY: Yes. I’m a middle child, so I love just irritating people as much as possible? And just being annoying and just like telling people that they can’t do things or can’t have things, or saying no to things if someone needs me to do something I love to say no. I don’t mean it, I’ll take it back and be like I just wanna say no just so I can watch them be irritated, like I’m that type of pain in the ass.


SARAH: That has not been my experience with you, Brittany.


BRITTANY: Well ‘cause like - you know, I mean like - this is show business, so -


SARAH: I don’t want anybody to think that you’re that kind of host.


BRITTANY: Yeah, that’s a good point. This is in my regular life, this is outside of here.


SARAH: Right, right. then you go home and irritate everybody.


BRITTANY: Exactly. I go home and I irritate the shit out of everybody in my life. And I truly, deeply wish that I could use a soundboard of things that I say -


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: Not even things that like a famous character - I would love to use a soundboard of myself to talk to other people that are on the phone. Also like, how many phrases did they have on hand?


SARAH: Right?


BRITTANY: Like -


SARAH: I was like, how are they gonna have a conversation, it’s gonna be like, “Oh, behave,” and like one other phrase, but -  they had a lot of phrases.


BRITTANY: They got far!


SARAH: Yeah.


BRITTANY: They genuinely got far.


SARAH: Yeah.


BRITTANY: And also - might I add the phrases were well selected?


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: Well timed.


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: That was amazing.


SARAH: Very well timed. And the other guy reacting to them?


BRITTANY: Yes. I actually really especially enjoyed when he asked how many of them there were, he said two!! Oh my god! I was like, oh god. I’m glad that you acknowledged the fact that you had some severe echoing issues. Just said there were two of you. Warmed my heart, and also especially when it kind of just devolved into this tailspin of just echo and static and just mess. I loved it.


SARAH: That was a good choice by Ross.


BRITTANY: Yeah, no, go Ross. That was a good choice.


[Music]


SARAH: Alright Brittany, let’s take a quick break and when we get back I’ll play you more submissions from our listeners...


——AD BREAK——


SARAH: Welcome back to Sampler. As I mentioned earlier in the show, I have stolen the host mic for today’s show so I could play Brittany funny podcast moments submitted by you, our listeners!


BRITTANY: I genuinely have really enjoyed the clips I’ve heard so far.


SARAH: Well, let’s - let’s hope that it ends on a high note, cause I’ve got one more show to bring you.


BRITTANY: Just one more clip?!


SARAH: Got one more show. Maybe if you like it, I’ll play two clips.


BRITTANY: Oh, my god!


SARAH: Who knows?


BRITTANY: We’ll see what happens, we’ll see what happens.


SARAH: So, this next suggestion came to us from a listener by the name of Matt Young and I will let him explain what it is. The podcast is called, HarmonTown.


MATT: It is a live show done weekly, starring Dan Harmon along with his comptroller Jeff Davis and game master Spencer Crittenden. It’s live, but it is completely made up on the spot by Dan. He just  gets up on stage and starts talking and sees what happens. And one of the things that Dan does to fill the time in these shows is that he - he, he does these amazing improvised freestyle rap songs? And this episode, the episode that I wanna submit has in my opinion, the two best Dan Harmon freestyle rap songs that have been on the show, period.


BRITTANY: Whenever I hear about people who are not professionals rapping, I’m already like, what’s gonna happen…


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: So I’m very eager to hear this. I - I feel like it could be really good or really terrible, in which case though, cause it’s a comedy podcast - if it’s really terrible, then that could be really good!


SARAH: All right, so I’ll play you one, and we’ll see how you feel after that.


BRITTANY: Okay.


————CLIP: HARMONTOWN———-


[music plays] 


Dan: When you mo-oo-oo-oove your body to the beat.


When you see-ee-ee, everybody in the street.


You got the action, I got the water,


We’ll put ‘em both in a cup with our daughter.


Family!


Family!


On the street with a bucket and a cup!


Doing everything what’s up!


Family!


Family on the street tonight!


With a bucket and a cup, what’s up!


Bucket - bu -


[Dan voice 2]


Yo, yo, yo.


My name is MC John.


I’m here to mow the lawn.


I’d like to use a rake, but that grass will not take. I


gotta get up on the riding mower,


Go faster, don’t go slower


Mow around the trees and yard


I fucked your mama hard


[Dan voice1]


I want to see you next today night


I don’t want to get into a fight.


[Dan voice2]


Yeah, don’t get in a fight, baby.


[Dan voice1]


Cause you are my family and I love you


Say what?!


I won’t steal your socks or your 


[Dan voice1, cont]


shoes


Family!


Cause you got what I neeeeed.


Family!


Male voice 1: [Stay?] That was a good one. That was a good song.


Male voice 2: I like - that fascinating character of DJ - DJ John.  “I’m here to mow the lawn!” DJ John was - DJ John was a refreshing departure from the - from the profane evolution of rap, he was back to like a traditional like peas and carrots kind of rap, but he right at the end, he, he, he let you know, he’s fucking your mom. Which makes sense, because he - listening to him - he - I don’t think he knew that much about lawn care.


————————


BRITTANY: Okay, so I definitely want to hear another. Oh, god! I love - I love when pe- I love when people make up songs. It happens to me a lot. I don’t make up the songs. My boyfriend makes up a lot of songs about everything. Constantly.


SARAH: Like about what’s happening in front of him at that moment?


BRITTANY: What’s happening in front of him in that moment. What - where we’re going. What we’re doing, what he feels like eating, what happened yesterday.


SARAH: I’m always really impressed when people are freestyling - whether it’s to be funny or, or not.


BRITTANY: Yeah.


SARAH: But especially to be funny, cause when you’re being silly about it, it’s so much easier to just laugh and stop.


BRITTANY: Yeah.


SARAH: But if you’re being silly about it and you just keep going -


BRITTANY: Yeah.


SARAH: Like he wait- he went through to the end of the instrumental of - that was being played.


BRITTANY: Oh yeah, I mean he - like, I mean, at the beginning he knew he was totally screwed, too, because it’s like as soon as he said “water,” it’s like - what rhymes with water? Like he just had to immediately hit “daughter.”


SARAH: Yeah.


BRITTANY: I mean, it’s like... daughter! And it’s like, then you kind of have to keep going. but, I mean, he like committed, he saw it through.


SARAH: Yeah.


BRITTANY: And -


SARAH: Commitment is so important to having something be funny.


BRITTANY: Yeah. Cause like commitment means that you’re taking it kind of seriously in a way?


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: And it’s like, you’re gonna see the joke through, you’re gonna give it what it deserves. You’re gonna give it what you think the audience deserves. And like that pays off on, like the listener’s end. That pays off on the person who like - who hears the joke. But, god. That was so terrible. That was the - a terrible song. But that was so funny.


SARAH: As soon as the - you start laughing as soon as the instrumental came in.


BRITTANY: Cause - first of all, the instrumental is ridiculous. That song was ridiculous!


SARAH: What was so ridiculous about it.


BRITTANY: So cheesy. It was so corny! It’s like - I haven’t heard like, just a backing track like that. I think that things like that were popular in the years preceding my birth.


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: Like I just don’t - it sounds like a - like rejected beat Luther Vandross track. Do you know what I’m saying? Rejected.


SARAH: Wow, maybe I should play this next clip for you. Because the listener couldn’t decide which one he liked better.


BRITTANY: Oh.


SARAH: Matt Young, the listener that sent this into us. And I couldn’t decide which one I thought would like better. And since you enjoyed that one, maybe - maybe we can hear another one.


BRITTANY: Let’s try another one, let’s try another.


———CLIP: HARMONTOWN———


[Dan, voice1]:


Thanks. Aw yeah. Yeah.


Bout time.


It’s about time.


It’s about that time. 


Wait.


What time is it?


It’s about that time.


I have a slow watch.


I wanna know what time it is.


Could you tell me what time it is?


I got an appointment


Coming up tomorrow. Yeah.


[Dan voice 2]


We been having a sweet old time


But I gotta know what time it is


[Dan voice 1]:


Time keeper.


Time keeper’s like a swiss clock tonight. 


[Dan voice 2]:


We been out in low light baby


To break of the dawn dawn, baby girl


[Dan voice1]:


Yo. Wha - What’d you say?


[Dan voice2]:


No - don’t fuck with me.


[Dan voice1]:


I’m just tryin’ know what you’re saying.


No - I’m not even tryin’ play it,


Just gotta know what time it is.


[Dan voice2]:


Ding dong, deebeloo degaloo ble do


[Dan voice1]:


See. That’s gibberish. I don’t know why I work with you.


[Dan voice2]:


Fuck you.


[Dan voice1]:


Fuck you!


[Dan voice2]:


Fuck you.


[Dan voice1]:


Fuck you.


[Dan voice3 / mom]:


Why you all fightin’.


[Dan voice1]:


Aw shit. It’s my mom.


[Dan voice2]:


Ding, ding a bong dong, ding.


[Dan voice 3 / mom]:


Why you all down here fightin’?


Sittin’ in my basement all nightin’


What time is it?


[Dan voice1]:


That’s what I’m askin’


[Dan voice2]:


Ding dong digaboo ding dong.


[Dan voice 3 / mom]:


I set the grandfather clock on the wall


I’m not gettin’ any sleep at all.


Your father and I got work in the mornin’


[Dan voice2]:


Ding dinga bloom dong ding ding mornin’


[Dan voice1]:


That’s cheatin’.


Can’t just speak gibberish man.


[Dan voice2]:


Bee be dop drop diba do.


[Dan voice 3 / mom]:


Aw shit. I’m going to bed.


[squawk]


[Dan voice 4 / dad]:


Baby what was that?


[Dan voice 3 / mom]:


That was kids down in the basement.


[Dan voice 4 / dad]:


Aw why they always gonna be like that?


Why they always wakin’ up like that?


Don’t these motherfuckers get any sleep?


[Dan voice 3 / mom]:


I don’t know baby.


What time you keep?


[Dan voice 4 / dad]:


Quarter to 3.


Male voice 1: The - the dad - the dad knew! The dad knew what time it was the whole time. I - thanks guys, thanks.


Male voice 2: There’s a whole - but, I mean, I’m like - I’m like -


Male voice 1: - this is like a whole like Sesame Street of characters you’ve got going. I think we should explore that town a little bit more. I, I like to know everybody in - that lives in that building. The whole block.


Male voice 2: Yeah.


——————


BRITTANY: So, I think if I have to choose between the two of them, I do like the first one better than the second one-


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: But! I noticed a couple things listening to another song.


SARAH: Mm.


BRITTANY: These are more so, R&B songs-


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: - than rap songs.


SARAH: Yeah.


BRITTANY: Like there’s a - definitely more singing, and also I actually really appreciated the call out in that last clip. Where the one guy called the other guy out, and he was like, that’s cheating, you can’t just speak gibberish! Like, you need to actually rhyme. I was like yo, you really called him out! I mean, I agreed. I was like, you do need to be - like this guy is really committing to rhyming. You, need to commit to rhyming as well. But I also was like, wow. Call out.


SARAH: I think it was all the same person.


BRITTANY: Wait they were all him?


SARAH: Yeah they were all Dan Harmon.


BRITTANY: He does all of it?


SARAH: Yup.


BRITTANY: Oh my god. Wait, that completely -


SARAH: Does that change it?


BRITTANY: Yeah. I mean that changes everything! He argued with himself?!


SARAH: Yeah.


BRITTANY: He played both kids in the basement?


SARAH: And the parents.


BRITTANY: And the parents. Wow. Seriously? That’s crazy. He argued with himself, Sarah!


SARAH: Yeah.


BRITTANY: He argued with himself! He’s like, I don’t like working with you. Fuck you. Fuck you.


SARAH: Yeah!


BRITTANY: How did he know?


SARAH: He’s a comic genius.


BRITTANY: I think he’s actually a, a pretty fine musician if you ask me. It’s actually, it reminds me, like the way that he like moved the story forward and played all the different characters in this last song reminded me a lot of R. Kelly “Trapped in the Closet.” Because R. Kelly also saying things that move the plot forward and played every single character. That’s just the first thing that came to my mind. I don’t even like R. Kelly. But like, I mean - this was fairly operatic.


SARAH: Yeah, it  was. There were a lot of people, there was tension.


BRITTANY: It- yeah, there’s a goal.


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: They’re super objective. Everybody was just trying to find the time.


SARAH: I like how he took one of the tropes that you’d hear in that style of music, of like asking what time it is and making the whole song about what time it is.


BRITTANY: But also like, he could have turned that into like a whole different song. Where it’s like oh it’s about that time, it’s time to get it crackin’, it’s time to start partying, it’s time to make love or whatever they say in songs like that.


SARAH: Mm hm.


BRITTANY: And he was like no, it’s about that time, but what time is it exactly. Like - what time is it precisely? I would like to hear an extended cut of that song because I would like to know what happened. Like, I would like to know if there was any further conversation passed that like ‘oh these kids are in our basement messing around. Do we need to do something about that?’ How old are these people?


SARAH: And do you think R Kelly was waiting for them to go to sleep so he could get out of the closet?


BRITTANY: [laughter] I mean honestly, the way the story was going it’s likely. It’s likely.


[music]


SARAH: Thank you to all of our listeners.


BRITTANY: Oh my god.


SARAH: They sent such funny stuff.


BRITTANY: No, seriously thank you to all of our listeners for sending really hilarious clips, I am really impressed by the variety that you guys came up with.


SARAH: Yeah. I feel like we’re still barely scratching the surface though.


BRITTANY: Oh, I agree, I was just gonna say like I just want more submission from you guys period, like I loved hearing from people in their own voices why they thought that something was funny.


SARAH: Yeah, it was great, we want more.


BRITTANY: Yes.


SARAH: More comedy, more everything, but - listeners let’s make this a regular feature! Let’s make Brittany laugh. Send us your funny podcast moments and I’ll play them for Brittany. That is my challenge to all of you.


BRITTANY: Yes, I like that, because  like - you know, there’s the obviously way you guys can tickle me, but I think the clips is better. And it helps me keep my breath. I prefer this - I prefer listening to funny clips to being tickled, so please.


SARAH: Okay.


BRITTANY: Keep them coming.


SARAH: Okay. You heard that guys. If you don’t send in comedy clips, Brittany’s just gonna get tickled on air for an hour. And she won’t be able to breath, so that’s not optimal.


BRITTANY: We don’t want that. 


SARAH: OK guys, to recap the clips we’ve heard on today’s show… The Obama Omelette debate came from The Great Debates. The exclusive interview with Mike Myers  was from Cool Games Inc. And the freestyles about family and the elusiveness of time were from Harmontown.


BRITTANY: This episode was produced by Rose Reid, Sarah Abdurrahman, and myself with help from Kate Parkinson-Morgan.


It was edited by Annie-Rose Strasser.


Our theme music was made by Micah Vellian and our ad music was made by Mark Phillips.


Additional music in the show was by Bobby Lord.


The show was mixed by Matthew Boll.


Sampler is a production of Gimlet Media.